There seems to be an increasing number of highly educated and very upwardly mobile sisters out there who are yet to tie the coveted knot; it is a problem. Why so? Well it is, only because in part, they feel that way and on the other, society makes them feel inadequate. I for one would certainly be the last one to convince anyone otherwise. I do understand it though, our society expects a woman at a certain age to be married and settled. It matters little what accomplishments she may have achieved; in larger Africa, it means nothing until she wears a ring on her finger and can be addressed as ‘Mrs …’ The smaller percentage of progressives, perhaps so due largely in part to having been educated and understanding the dynamics of the world, understand that in our present time, there is so much a woman is capable of doing, that passing the litmus test of marriage should no longer be the ultimate criterion by which one can judge success and on the flip side, earn respect.

In my own experience, it definitely is worth trying to achieve the celebrated status-let’s face it, they do come in handy for doing stuff like shoveling the snow in winter and keeping one warm on cold nights-but I also find that in so many ways, being married can also create an unseen barrier as to the level of success that a woman is allowed to pursue. The entire mix only becomes more intricate once children appear on the scene. At this point I say, hang your hat and be ready for an indefinite sabbatical; unless of course you’re one of the very few who can afford to hire a live-in nanny or pay for decent child care. Some of it may be fair but that is an aside worthy of discussion another time.

Returning to the central theme of my commentary, I am, quite frankly very disappointed by the attitude of some brothers and what I, for lack of a better definition have termed ‘rogue brothers’ - African men who have embraced the many freedoms of the West and seem to have lost their way when it comes to how to court women - (I can hear some people pondering how ancient I must be to still live in a closed world where a woman’s love needs to be sought after and in some cases fought for with fervent passion and unrelenting determination. This group is what I call the ‘internet generation’-everything is slam-dunk). My brothers have conveniently forgotten lessons from the motherland, like expect a woman to turn you down on a few dates; after all, how else can she prove she’s a well-brought-up woman? Let me take a moment to explain what I mean through some real life experiences women have had.

Imagine a scenario where you meet a ‘seemingly’ nice guy, you both connect on several levels, and the best part, he’s African just like you! Months later into the dating game, you find out that he’s worse than Ebenezer Scrooge, not willing to ‘splurge’ on even a can of coke for the one he claims he loves! You laugh but I tell you this is not fiction or the product of my ever fertile imagination. Take another example where you both have a tiff and in the heat of the moment, you ask him not to call you and you know what? He actually does not call you-Again! One of the worst by far is where you ask your man to pick up some cold meds for you from the neighborhood drug store because you are too ill to do so. He shows up as planned but without the meds and instead offers to drive you there so you can pay for them! At least you can be grateful for the drive. Believe me I could go on about countless examples of such behavioral anomalies but I need to pause here and take a sip for my hot cup of mocha. Ha! Life is good.

So now here’s my own two cents on all of this ‘man palaver’. My dear sisters, what I am about to say might shock some of you more inhibited ones but you leave me no choice so here I go – ‘think outside the box’. What do I mean? If conventional thinking, you must date and marry an African, no longer works, then don’t you think it’s time to try a different approach? No use bemoaning your fate and wasting precious time (for those who want to have children at least) wondering where all the men are when the answer could be starring you in the face only you have been too blind to notice and in the process missed several prospective suitors. No, there is no man drought, only a type of cultural xenophobia that needs to change if my sisters in the West are to take charge of their own destinies. For how long will my Naija sisters in particular continue to wait for ‘home people’ to pre-package men for you? Oftentimes, their choices leave you wondering whether ‘your market don finish ‘kpata-kpata’ (you have nothing to offer anymore, so you take what you get). Please do not sell yourselves short; remember the world is factually a global village so lift your chin up, hold your head up high, take some chances, and yes it is raining men.

Comments

Add New Search RSS

BigU   |2008-11-17 02:03:01 the author is confused in her message....she rejects certain cutural mores yet relies on those same cultural mores she rejects to make her argumnets.. Reply | Quote 0   0

Write comment
Name:
Email:	do not notifynotify
Website:
Title:
UBBCode:	-color-aquablackbluefuchsiagraygreenlimemaroonnavyolivepurpleredsilvertealwhiteyellow -size-tinysmallmediumlargehuge
	Please input the anti-spam code that you can read in the image.

Powered by !JoomlaComment 3.26

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."